White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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