you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
