And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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