Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
