woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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