I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
