I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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