these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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