I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
