so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
