Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
