i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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