piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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