We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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