My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
