I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
