You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize