Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
