called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
