my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
