i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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