I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize
