Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
