you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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