yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
