i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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