I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
