so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
