it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize