Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
