it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
