If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
