im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
