wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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