O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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