idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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