How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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