so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think my moral compass just broke
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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