Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
