so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
