"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
