If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
