Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
