it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
