Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
either way he was missing a nipple.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
