I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
