I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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