I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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