K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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