Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
