You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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