new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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