all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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