So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
