she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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