So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
