i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
