In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
