Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
