so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We are two peas in an std pod
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
