Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
