maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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