Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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