I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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