once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
