If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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