I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
